I picked up a book at Border’s recently.  It was kind of an impulse buy.  I was looking for something good to read that had elements of business, psychology, marketing, and would be entertaining to read.

I was lucky because it turned out to be a pretty good read–it’s called Persuasion IQ: The Ten Skills to Get Exactly What you Want.  I’m only through the first chapter at the moment, but the pages are rapidly turning.  It’s about learning how to be more persuasive in business, life, and relationships.

One of the reasons I picked it up is because it steered away from the canned ideas of manipulation and ”being a closer” and is more about realizing how you can shape your own experience by thinking about how you relate to the world and how you come off to people. It’s not about convincing people to do things they don’t want to do, it’s about learning how to effectively convey the TRUTH about you or your product to other people.

I was also impressed by the way the author explains that being a persuader isn’t achieved through cheesy 80′s ideas of being tough, pushy, arrogant, and condescending.  You become persuasive and more effective by being comfortable with yourself, knowing your strengths and weaknesses, and being confident and secure in what you are doing.

I like this message because it encourages concentration on transparency, honesty, and authenticity. Folks, the hard sell works no longer.  People have too many options and are wary of “sales” situations.  Think about that feeling you get yourself when you’re walking down the street to get lunch and you see someone with a clipboard angling themselves to intercept you.  You hate that feeling and you want to avoid that person, no matter what they want you to sign.

The hard sell leads to feelings of resentment, terrible word of mouth, and yes, refunds.  You may get the one sale, but you’ll lose 1,000.  Twitter will screw you over.

Here are a few more points from the book.

1) Rejection in business (or a job search!) is not personal. These people don’t know you or your hopes or dreams.  They will forget about the encounter two minutes after it’s over.  You should too.

2) Persuasive people can erase negative thoughts at will. This isn’t a gift, it’s a skill learned through practice.  Most people hold on to negativity and use it to make excuses and put their goals off for weeks, and years even.  You can train yourself to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.  It’s your mind–you control it.

3) Do not allow yourself to feel embarrassed or depressed based on someone elses opinion.

4) Your worst fears are rarely realistic. What’s the worst thing that could happen?  We tend to build things up in our minds–especially the things we think can go wrong. It’s a natural survival tendency to jump to these conclusions, but you can control it.

5) The best persuaders are likable, fun, don’t use “salesy” language, and genuinely are interested in helping people. They don’t convince–they allow their audience to convince themselves.  To do this, they listen 70% (somewhat arbitrary number, but you get the point) of the time.

If you want to increase your persuasiveness, shut your mouth and listen to what your audience is telling you.

Persuasion IQ: The 10 Skills You Need to Get Exactly What You Want